Books & publicity

I haven't posted in awhile, its been a whirl wind of happenings here, I have started my own site, and I tend to post most things over there now.

I was going through my rss feeder today and I realized that there are a lot of good books out there that are just not getting enough of a push. By push I mean really any at all.
That's sad when you think about it.
Books are one of the things that make all the difference in this world. Can you imagine how empty this world would be with out books?

How different would you be had you not read your favourite book so many times you wore out the cover?

But we would be kidding ourselves if we think for one second money and the books subject matter don't influence what gets promoted and what doesn't.

Sad when you think about it, because it's pretty much the same with everything and not just books.
Really great news and discoveries in science, sub sciences, etc get back burners to things like celebrity gossip and which ones having the daily break down and ending up sentenced to jail time.

It's time for a change...
It's time for me to start plotting the next idea.

....

Its funny how one odd reaction can just take away any courage you had to talk about something that was an issue.
Now I am back to being clamped up and thinking about something over and over and over until i feel like my head just might pop off.

Its not like the situation revolving around why i got the weird look is anything I can control either.
everyone that knows me knows I am disabled, not badly as I do most everything for myself but i do have a cane and a chair..

A chair that came into view tho not while i was in it, and i realized the person with me was trying to pretend he never saw it, and said nothing.
I was too blown away when it happened to react but now that Im alone and rethinking it, im wondering how they can say they love me yet get uncomfortable like that.

It's not like its going to be something that goes away.
If that's going to be an issue so is anything that I was going to say now.
So i stay silent and wonder.

Discrimination

i haven't been writing as much as I would like to but, its my own doing I guess.
I came across this in my catching up with blogs/email and to put it mildly its upsetting, I completely understand where she is coming from, due to events very similar to that in my own life.

I really try not to talk bad about people but that old goat should be smacked.
I can not stand intolerance, discrimination or hate.. there is absolutely no place for it, whatsoever.
Despite what we look like, how we dress, what race, gender or religion we are, we are all the same.

Its a shame that people are like that still in 2010, you'd think that people would have a better clue.
whatever happened to treat people how you want to be treated?

Falling behind..

My priorities got all messed up again and I am just resurfacing once more from all of it.
Slowly but surely.
I had a update in my inbox from a blog I follow on another site this morning, I thought it might be good to share.
Its part of a lecture given about the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon Him.
It really makes me think, especially since I just got up from having my priorities all messed up.

Thankfully if nothing else I noticed and now I can start to fix that and get back on track.
I am hoping that I havent missed the chance to do something I was really looking forward to because I fell into another vicious Bipolar cycle.

Normally I'd be on a rant about how sick I am of dealing with that but after watching the video it dealt me a big mouthful of reality and I remember now that it could be a lot worse.
We don't get hands dealt to us that Allah doesn't know, we can deal with, with enough effort.

Which is, I think where most people fail. Effort. People have gotten lazier has things get more and more convenient. Myself included.

Even my reading has fallen very behind so I can say honestly I am not the most proud of myself right now. But it will get better.

Starting now.

I am still alive.. lol

I've been terrible at updating lately there has just been so much to keep up with, in terms of life, and reading and trying to get some articles done for a position that i really really want.

Right now I am reading "Everything Everyone Should Know About The Qur'an" sort of a lighter reading because I have been feeling so frazzled.

Not to mention kinda blah because I am overly sick of being single. I had one prospect but I already know their are just things about the others life that will never click despite how well we may get along or despite what he thinks he feels for me.

Dating him would be like going back to highschool and that's just not where I am at this point in my life.

I am starting to think that the nice, Muslim man with a geeky side to him doesn't exist, leaving me to play the part of the crazy cat lady in the future lol.
I was looking at some online dating sites but they are just horrible, or there is next to no one local.

Where do people meet like mnded people cuz I seem to be drawing blanks lol.
Oh well..
If its meant to happen it will.
Until then I just focus on what I am doing and trying to find places for all the books i need to store lol.

Educational systems are failing.

What I have learned this week:

That my own country is guilty for not teaching history any better then the USA is by editing their text books to make themselves look like the hero in every chance they get.

I have been on this writing thing for awhile and its taking a lot more history background then i thought at first and it has caused me to realize that there is a lot that I just do not know.

It's making me angry, at our educational system. I feel like i was completely ripped off.
I took history every year, by choice because I loved it so much and here I am noticing that they only put in a very small fraction and by small i would say 1% of history was world history and i don't mean current.

Most of our history was Canadian, USA and Britain..which I get but there is so much more out there then just those three friggen countries.

Frustrating after having your eyes opened like that.

Struggle of faith

I'm struggling lately, it's with my faith but not directly. My belief hasn't waviered I still believe that the Quran is the book. It's just motivating myself to live the life I should be, I feel so bogged down and I shouldn't. My faith should make me feel stronger. At peace, shouldn't it?

I feel like I should be looking to the Quran for answers but don't know where to look.

Avatar

I loved this movie, it took all I had not to bawl at the end.
I found it hard to watch the parts of war with the soldiers and "the people" and forest.. was tough.. watching someone you find yourself growing fond of even tho you know nothing about them being treated so badly.

Reminded me a lot of racism and discrimination.. I was impressed the man character was disabled. I think that might have been a first.

I've found myself doing the post Avatar sigh.. everything just seems so flat and blah now.
thats one of those movies that you are just never going to be able to watch and appreciate in regular non IMAX 3D view.

It makes me sad just thinking about it.
Now I admit there were holes in the story but with a view like that, its easy not to care.
It was amazing.
4/5 easy.

Time flys.

I can not believe February is almost over. Where is the time going? i spent a good four hours in the car yesterday and let me tell you, I am not happy that I know I am going to have to do it again soon.

So, I started another one of the library books i took with me..
I have 6 of the 7 out for me.
Ive started all but one.. and I have finished one.

I'm half finished two. I am hoping to get closer to done one of those two.
I need an excuse to go back, because i want to check out their dvd section.

I was sitting in the drs office looking at old magazines and there was an old Town & Country magazine with pictures of Buckingham Palace garden pictures that I would kill to have but of course I can not find them anywhere.
One of them just screamed Pans Labyrinth at me.
Must have.
Its just finding it that's going to be tricky.

I've met someone recently, No idea where its going to go, if anywhere and i can not figure out how i feel about it.
He seems like a great guy, we communicate well.
So whats the problem right?

Other then he also deals with depression and any time i get involved with someone with depression its complicated because their moods trigger my bi polar and it all goes to hell.

Added to his blindness and my disability = not sure how that would fly at all.
And he still lives at home, he admits its not something he much likes either but idk ya know. Just used to being "unsupervised" and doing the whole staying at someones parents again just not sure if I could to be honest.
I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like i got transported back to pre grade ten when i was living on my own.

Someones been sending me a text a day -ish.. not sure who it is. if it be the crazy duo but I told him texting was disabled assuming he'd look up or walk in the next room and tell her.

I keep wondering if its the ex i can't get out of my head - but i can't figure out why he'd be texting me if he's still with the newer model.
I hate not knowing.

02/12/10

It's been an interesting week, and a bit to be honest I am glad things came out that did, and glad that people reacted the way they have.
It showed me some things and I mean lets be honest parts of it tickled me pink in a way i can not even begin to express.
Something someone near and dear said to me very recently sums up part of it...
"Cupcakes through your mail slot? Is that some Canadian metaphor I'm not familiar with or is he bat-shit crazy?"
Yup bat-shit crazy because the cup cake incident was literal. I shit you not.
But that's okay because that particular person is mad i didn't fall down to his feet thankful for the cupcake and is no longer speaking to me.
*does a little dance*

My list of friends has also gotten a little shorter for my own reasoning.. a remark was made that I can not even begin to wrap my head around why this person thought something like that would EVER be okay to say. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
Until finally I decided that there was nothing that could be said or done that would ever make me okay with it.

Honestly, its like not its the first thing to come out of the persons mouth and it likely would not have been the last, but i was getting more and more uncomfortable with it, so it had to be dealt with.

I dislike confrontation after I have been made to feel uncomfortable - it leaves me vulnerable and insecure. Once I have that with someone, then there's no going back. That's just how it is.
You've lost whatever bond may have been there.

I'm learning to be okay with that because I deserve to be respected and not have to deal with little suggestive comments and bullshit.
I deserve more then that just as I deserve more then someones misery.
If you are going to be in someones life and only give them your misery then what is the point?
I've also come to realize that someone I have known for a long time, and gone through a lot of shit with has been less then honest.

I guess i shouldn't be surprized but i will say this.
I won't be the one saving you from yourself next time.. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me..
I know better now.
I mean seriously if you are going to hide and lie about something at least learn to do it less obviously.
You bad mouth your ex but honestly you are no better then her in my books.

I've managed to screw up my morning meds the last two mornings - I've just been out of it.
My plan for the next couple of days while i wait for my Wednesday to come is to throw myself into books.
C'mon Wednesday!

changes are starting..

I am annoyed with people before the days started - not a good sign. I've also had about all I can take of two people who should be closest to me going by everything and honestly I find myself just not caring enough. So Its about time that, the charade ended for the last time. Then its going to be a very simple delete from address book and I should not get anything.

I already know that the guilt trips and wanting to talk it to death will happen cuz i have been through it. So I am going to nip it in the butt before it happens.
*edit*
I have nipped it. I've already created filters so it doesn't reach me and I don't get bulldozed again. There only now leaves two places where it must be dealt with both are pretty easy. Block is there for a reason.

Today i have a guinea pig cage to deal with
Some OJ to squeeze
and some reading to catch up on.

Tuesday Morning Surprizes.

Yusuf Islam's (Cat Stevens) new cd Roadsinger is AMAZING!! I love it.
I've listened to it a dozen times already and it just gets better.

I got woken up by my best friend at 830am this morning standing over me with coffee (lucky for her!) I didn't realize that her having to go get bloodwork done meant that she was going to end up here at an ungodly hour.
Sure I usually only sleep til 9 some days but I was going for ten today since I've been so tired over working myself getting ready for the family stuff this passed weekend and then pms to boot.

I have a huge block going on with fiction lately.
I am struggling through the last half of Jane Eyre, and The Mote of Gods Eye.
I have a few other fiction books I have not bothered to try to get further into and i have switched from that to science and History. Its been an easier read, go figure, as has religion.

I'm curious as to how long it will last but I am taking it as a good thing.
It might just be what I need right now.
Now on to my free breakfast and then I have a Buddhist pdf calling my name.

Monday Mornings.

I can not seem to get as into reading fiction as I usually do, even sci-fi is more difficult. So, I have taken to Historical and Science texts. I was hoping I would have passed this hump by now but it's still very much here and annoying me.

If it keeps up its going to make meeting my reading challenge difficult. Especially with the list that I have.

I have started writing more regular-ish lately. 3 story ideas and the 4th writing exercise is a bit more personal. The story of my own Converting to Islam and my thoughts on a lot of things surrounding it.

The big thing everyone says is write what you know and well this i know and it just started spilling out on the paper so that's something.
I'd like to get something more done writing wise, and hopefully finish a book and a half come the end of the week.. here's hoping.

thank you internets..

I am still thinking about that Secret Scientist podcast, and I am still angry at the Canadian education system - its sad when you realize after a podcast and talking to friends that none of you learned about any of this and its so vital to the worlds history, its more then a little frustrating.
People seem to think that Islam getting the raw end of the deal is new, and because of recent (at least in our time kinda recent) events but it goes all the way back to the dark age.
Which honestly is that much more frustrating.
Its disgusting - more so when you realize that its been going on for as long as it has and the fact that the world can not seem to just smarten up. (that's putting it lightly, i know!)

Prof. Jim Al-Khalili did the series i was listening to earlier (secret scientists) and now, i have been listening to his pod cast sci pod. He's a genius and he makes it interesting.

So its just one more thing to add to my list of things I want to learn.
I do a lot of that it seems - with the new path that I am on.
Knowledge is my oxygen.

As much as I hate the net sometimes, its times like this, i love it because i would not have found this otherwise.

Secret Scientists (of the Arab world)

The Secret Scientists
3 part podcast that left me amazed and realizing that I was failed by the Canadian education system.

01/30/10

So the family ended up coming and it ended up being one big farce. They stayed for an hour.. after that long drive, what is the point?
I was definitely hurt, I know had it been my sister, that she would have stayed for the night - nothing would have got in the way of that.

I have no more future plans to go out of my way to try to make her see me anymore or make her want a daughter/mother relationship anymore. Her true emotions come out every time she pulls something like this. She meant every word she said in the past about how she feels about me.

So be it.

So i curled up with my coffee cup and put on the Quran reciter to just listen as I right.
I got the CD I had been looking for yesterday Yusuf - Roadsinger (ex Cat Stevens)
I love it.
Listened to it 2x while I caught up chatting with a friend online and put it in while I went to bed last night.

My house is cleaner at least - I am trying to think positively but its hard. Hard because Im still hurt.
Maybe one day.

[Re]Focusing

I have a lot I should be doing right now.. but Im sure I can still get it all done by the time I really need to.

Winter, has finally decided to hit here.. the cold weather is here and the snow no less. I am not a fan but it is what it is. We can't run away from it so we might as well just deal as they say.

Besides I have my stack of books beside me from the library to try to chug through with out having to check them out a second time. But they may have to be - one of them is a slow read, one i have yet to really start, one I am half way through and the last one.. is slow and has hard to understand dialogue.
To be honest that one I am unsure if I will be able to get through based on the one characters speech alone.

But books aside - I also have almost a dozen oranges to make into OJ w/ a juicer that, is slightly beat up but ever faithful. The handle is broken off but with the small exception of being a bit weird to pour the juice out you don't really notice that.
In fact i think the machine turns less now, which is good because it wasn't suppose to come loose and turn to begin with.

I've found a new program that I have to admit I love - PDF Creator, it makes my life so much easier. You know when you find a ton of sites brimming with things you want to read but a thousand tabs up becomes to much on the screen?
This way it saves the pages and the info on said page in the PDF for me and opens it when I save it.. much less on the screen that way.

Not to mention i can put the PDF on my phone and read it in bed, in the car or where ever.

I've been doing more reading on Buddhism lately - for my own development and I love it honestly, not for the religious side but more the spiritual development side, the mental side,
I was reading one article but how we see things and how they really are and I realized that yeah we all do that every day. Perception. Its never the same to two people and it can colour everything.

There has been some mild drama going on with someone I know that wants to get closer to me and as nice as that is to hear i just don't have the same connection with this person. The L word has come out and no not me.

A recent post they made on facebook of all places, really showed me that I need to step back from everything that is going on with this person - its hard for me to dislike, hate, or turn someone away but I am teh one that has been getting hurt way too often.

I need to stop focusing on everyone else and looking after me because no one is going to do that for me.
So now its my time to focus on me and my big picture.

I Might have family down for the night tomorrow but thats if she doesn't cancel because of the weather. My fingers are crossed. Honestly, I'm kinda freaked about it.
Sure she gave birth to me many moons ago, but she also left when I was old enough to remember and its not like shes tried to get to know me in the last couple years.
And she is a raging alcoholic. Not fun.
They both are. So I'm worried about how this is going to go.
I imagine I will know with in the last few hrs if she cancels and I will either go into hectic insane mode to make my house perfect or sigh a sigh of relief have a tea and read.

But for now its off to clean my room and get ready to go shopping and do a load of laundry.

January 27th

All praise be to Allah, that I got to see another year, and I am now wiser then I was last year that much I know.

Happy Birthday to me!

Tho sadly, this birthday was the year i found out who cared for me - honestly.
3 people remembered.
Only one am I related to. Sad but true.
My aunt. Yep. Not even my own "mother"

3 yrs or so she has been in my life and honestly its so hard not to think ill of her for all that she does to me.
It says in the Quran its wrong to cut blood ties, honestly she did it when I was a child I just wish sometimes she would do it now.

But I am not going to look at the negative.. it's just not worth it.

Islam and nuns

I was reading online the other day, I happened to come across a site talking about nuns [sisters however was their choice of wording] I realized, Islam is one of the few religions that doesn't have nuns.

I wondered why that was and I have been trying to figure out where I would begin to look to read about that and do not know where to start.

A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam

I laid in bed last night after a episode of the worlds gone crazy and for some reason I am taking the backlash for it and read this little book cover to cover.
It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

It's full colour the whole way through, it's on high glossy paper, completely Illustrated, as you can tell by the cover they pulled out all the stops with this one.

I got this book in a batch of books from a volunteer run information organization. I had actually completely forgotten about it until the mail man knocked on my door to hand it to me. Upon opening it I realized that Oh.. wow apparently the organization does what it says it does, and with little to no press.

Needless to say I wrote them a very nice thank you. Its not often you see people do that kinda good just because they can.
They make next to no money on this book, especially considering there is no copyright and they offer up the high glossy files to whomever wishes to make copies and an address to obtain more free copies.

You'd think with something so "free" there would be something negative to say about it but in this case there is nothing.
I found this book highly informative, well written, with lots of information both in what was written in the book but also their footnotes.

This is one of those books that I think should be given to every person on the planet because it shoots down so many of the misconceptions that are out there and helps someone with a little bit of curiosity in them find a starting point about Islam.

Which can be something that's difficult especially for those in a small city with no mosque near by.

Whats covered in the guide:
Some of the science in the Quran
The Benefits of Islam

And as a last chapter - General Information on Islam
What it is, Beliefs, How one becomes a Muslim, and touches on some of the real truths that get misconscrewed in the media. Islamic policies and beliefs on issues such as Women, terrorists, and the elderly.
Honestly if nothing else that section should be printed and tucked in every mail box because people seem to be too ignorant to figure out what is coloured in the media by hate and whats not.

It never ceases to amaze me just how little people understand about the lives and ways of those who follow Allah.. I had a reminder the other day when I hada friend ask questions about it, another make an assumption and an ignorant sound when the television showed a man praying with his head to the floor.

But little by little it gets better as we slowly start breaking down walls in our personal lives with people.. but books like this help.
Its my belief they should also be more readily available, its a shame they're not.
But I can understand the flip side of it.

I would recommend this book to everyone.
Educational, and light yet packed with information.
Very well put together. Also including reference pages to gather your own information once you have completed the booklet.

Local hate crime and some love ponderings.

Sometimes, this world just makes me die a little more.
Hamiltons mosque was attacked over the holidays. Some small minded person looking at the Christmas eve incident with the plane and grouping all Muslims together - ignorance.

It makes me so bloody angry. New convert or not, I would never dream of letting ignorance colour my opinion on anything. How can people think they know anything when they don't try?

It's disgusting.

I think single life is getting to a few of us lately. A few Muslims on a few of the networking sites seem to be feeling the way I do.

I was following a post one day..

"LOVING THE ONE YOU MARRY, IS BETTER THAN MARRYING THE ONE YOU LOVE!"
Followed by (the same person)

"YES...LOVE IS AN ESSENTIAL PART OF MARRIGE,BUT WHERE DOES TRUE LOVE COME FROM. ALLAH CREATED ADAM THEN FROM HIS SOUL HE CREATED EVE. THEN THAT WAS ADAMS WHAT-SOULMATE. ALLAH SAYS HE PLACES LOVE BETWEEN THE MAN AND WOMAN. NOW IF WE APPROACH EACHOTHER ENGAGING IN ALL TYPE OF FORBIDDEN ACTS-ESPECIALLY WITHOUT REPENTANCE-HOW DO WE EXPECT ALLAH TO PLACE...

LOVE BETWEEN US AND OUR MATES. USUALLY THAT IS NOT LOVE ,ITS INFACTUATION. THEN YOU WAKE UP YEARS LATER AND REALIZE YOU DONT LIKE THAT PERSON. THE PROPER WAY IS TO SEEK GODS LOVE,THEN LET HIM GUIDE YOU TO A MATE.THE BOTH OF YOU DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO STAY IN ACCORD WITH HIS TEACHINGS...AND LOVE WILL GROW. THE MORE YOU BOTH LOVE THE CREATOR,THE MORE HE WILL LOVE YOU BOTH AND PLACE LOVE BETWEEN YOU. THIS WAY PETTY DIFFERENCES ARE OVERLOOKED AND THE LOVE OF GOD CONQUERS THE RELATIONSHIP...UNDERSTAND!"

.. i apologize for the caps but its not my post.. I do however like what he was saying very much.
I've been thinking a lot about it.
And trying to sort out my head on a relationship front and what I need/want.

I want someone whose faith means as much to them as it does me but who knows how to devote almost as much of themselves to me. So many just don't get that.

Even less get it when they realize that you are mildly disabled and mentally ill.
It leaves me feeling insecure at times, other times I feel firm in who I am.

..i am off to bed.. time to read another chapter for the book challenge and some more of the Quran before I go.