thank you internets..

I am still thinking about that Secret Scientist podcast, and I am still angry at the Canadian education system - its sad when you realize after a podcast and talking to friends that none of you learned about any of this and its so vital to the worlds history, its more then a little frustrating.
People seem to think that Islam getting the raw end of the deal is new, and because of recent (at least in our time kinda recent) events but it goes all the way back to the dark age.
Which honestly is that much more frustrating.
Its disgusting - more so when you realize that its been going on for as long as it has and the fact that the world can not seem to just smarten up. (that's putting it lightly, i know!)

Prof. Jim Al-Khalili did the series i was listening to earlier (secret scientists) and now, i have been listening to his pod cast sci pod. He's a genius and he makes it interesting.

So its just one more thing to add to my list of things I want to learn.
I do a lot of that it seems - with the new path that I am on.
Knowledge is my oxygen.

As much as I hate the net sometimes, its times like this, i love it because i would not have found this otherwise.

Secret Scientists (of the Arab world)

The Secret Scientists
3 part podcast that left me amazed and realizing that I was failed by the Canadian education system.

01/30/10

So the family ended up coming and it ended up being one big farce. They stayed for an hour.. after that long drive, what is the point?
I was definitely hurt, I know had it been my sister, that she would have stayed for the night - nothing would have got in the way of that.

I have no more future plans to go out of my way to try to make her see me anymore or make her want a daughter/mother relationship anymore. Her true emotions come out every time she pulls something like this. She meant every word she said in the past about how she feels about me.

So be it.

So i curled up with my coffee cup and put on the Quran reciter to just listen as I right.
I got the CD I had been looking for yesterday Yusuf - Roadsinger (ex Cat Stevens)
I love it.
Listened to it 2x while I caught up chatting with a friend online and put it in while I went to bed last night.

My house is cleaner at least - I am trying to think positively but its hard. Hard because Im still hurt.
Maybe one day.

[Re]Focusing

I have a lot I should be doing right now.. but Im sure I can still get it all done by the time I really need to.

Winter, has finally decided to hit here.. the cold weather is here and the snow no less. I am not a fan but it is what it is. We can't run away from it so we might as well just deal as they say.

Besides I have my stack of books beside me from the library to try to chug through with out having to check them out a second time. But they may have to be - one of them is a slow read, one i have yet to really start, one I am half way through and the last one.. is slow and has hard to understand dialogue.
To be honest that one I am unsure if I will be able to get through based on the one characters speech alone.

But books aside - I also have almost a dozen oranges to make into OJ w/ a juicer that, is slightly beat up but ever faithful. The handle is broken off but with the small exception of being a bit weird to pour the juice out you don't really notice that.
In fact i think the machine turns less now, which is good because it wasn't suppose to come loose and turn to begin with.

I've found a new program that I have to admit I love - PDF Creator, it makes my life so much easier. You know when you find a ton of sites brimming with things you want to read but a thousand tabs up becomes to much on the screen?
This way it saves the pages and the info on said page in the PDF for me and opens it when I save it.. much less on the screen that way.

Not to mention i can put the PDF on my phone and read it in bed, in the car or where ever.

I've been doing more reading on Buddhism lately - for my own development and I love it honestly, not for the religious side but more the spiritual development side, the mental side,
I was reading one article but how we see things and how they really are and I realized that yeah we all do that every day. Perception. Its never the same to two people and it can colour everything.

There has been some mild drama going on with someone I know that wants to get closer to me and as nice as that is to hear i just don't have the same connection with this person. The L word has come out and no not me.

A recent post they made on facebook of all places, really showed me that I need to step back from everything that is going on with this person - its hard for me to dislike, hate, or turn someone away but I am teh one that has been getting hurt way too often.

I need to stop focusing on everyone else and looking after me because no one is going to do that for me.
So now its my time to focus on me and my big picture.

I Might have family down for the night tomorrow but thats if she doesn't cancel because of the weather. My fingers are crossed. Honestly, I'm kinda freaked about it.
Sure she gave birth to me many moons ago, but she also left when I was old enough to remember and its not like shes tried to get to know me in the last couple years.
And she is a raging alcoholic. Not fun.
They both are. So I'm worried about how this is going to go.
I imagine I will know with in the last few hrs if she cancels and I will either go into hectic insane mode to make my house perfect or sigh a sigh of relief have a tea and read.

But for now its off to clean my room and get ready to go shopping and do a load of laundry.

January 27th

All praise be to Allah, that I got to see another year, and I am now wiser then I was last year that much I know.

Happy Birthday to me!

Tho sadly, this birthday was the year i found out who cared for me - honestly.
3 people remembered.
Only one am I related to. Sad but true.
My aunt. Yep. Not even my own "mother"

3 yrs or so she has been in my life and honestly its so hard not to think ill of her for all that she does to me.
It says in the Quran its wrong to cut blood ties, honestly she did it when I was a child I just wish sometimes she would do it now.

But I am not going to look at the negative.. it's just not worth it.

Islam and nuns

I was reading online the other day, I happened to come across a site talking about nuns [sisters however was their choice of wording] I realized, Islam is one of the few religions that doesn't have nuns.

I wondered why that was and I have been trying to figure out where I would begin to look to read about that and do not know where to start.

A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam

I laid in bed last night after a episode of the worlds gone crazy and for some reason I am taking the backlash for it and read this little book cover to cover.
It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

It's full colour the whole way through, it's on high glossy paper, completely Illustrated, as you can tell by the cover they pulled out all the stops with this one.

I got this book in a batch of books from a volunteer run information organization. I had actually completely forgotten about it until the mail man knocked on my door to hand it to me. Upon opening it I realized that Oh.. wow apparently the organization does what it says it does, and with little to no press.

Needless to say I wrote them a very nice thank you. Its not often you see people do that kinda good just because they can.
They make next to no money on this book, especially considering there is no copyright and they offer up the high glossy files to whomever wishes to make copies and an address to obtain more free copies.

You'd think with something so "free" there would be something negative to say about it but in this case there is nothing.
I found this book highly informative, well written, with lots of information both in what was written in the book but also their footnotes.

This is one of those books that I think should be given to every person on the planet because it shoots down so many of the misconceptions that are out there and helps someone with a little bit of curiosity in them find a starting point about Islam.

Which can be something that's difficult especially for those in a small city with no mosque near by.

Whats covered in the guide:
Some of the science in the Quran
The Benefits of Islam

And as a last chapter - General Information on Islam
What it is, Beliefs, How one becomes a Muslim, and touches on some of the real truths that get misconscrewed in the media. Islamic policies and beliefs on issues such as Women, terrorists, and the elderly.
Honestly if nothing else that section should be printed and tucked in every mail box because people seem to be too ignorant to figure out what is coloured in the media by hate and whats not.

It never ceases to amaze me just how little people understand about the lives and ways of those who follow Allah.. I had a reminder the other day when I hada friend ask questions about it, another make an assumption and an ignorant sound when the television showed a man praying with his head to the floor.

But little by little it gets better as we slowly start breaking down walls in our personal lives with people.. but books like this help.
Its my belief they should also be more readily available, its a shame they're not.
But I can understand the flip side of it.

I would recommend this book to everyone.
Educational, and light yet packed with information.
Very well put together. Also including reference pages to gather your own information once you have completed the booklet.

Local hate crime and some love ponderings.

Sometimes, this world just makes me die a little more.
Hamiltons mosque was attacked over the holidays. Some small minded person looking at the Christmas eve incident with the plane and grouping all Muslims together - ignorance.

It makes me so bloody angry. New convert or not, I would never dream of letting ignorance colour my opinion on anything. How can people think they know anything when they don't try?

It's disgusting.

I think single life is getting to a few of us lately. A few Muslims on a few of the networking sites seem to be feeling the way I do.

I was following a post one day..

"LOVING THE ONE YOU MARRY, IS BETTER THAN MARRYING THE ONE YOU LOVE!"
Followed by (the same person)

"YES...LOVE IS AN ESSENTIAL PART OF MARRIGE,BUT WHERE DOES TRUE LOVE COME FROM. ALLAH CREATED ADAM THEN FROM HIS SOUL HE CREATED EVE. THEN THAT WAS ADAMS WHAT-SOULMATE. ALLAH SAYS HE PLACES LOVE BETWEEN THE MAN AND WOMAN. NOW IF WE APPROACH EACHOTHER ENGAGING IN ALL TYPE OF FORBIDDEN ACTS-ESPECIALLY WITHOUT REPENTANCE-HOW DO WE EXPECT ALLAH TO PLACE...

LOVE BETWEEN US AND OUR MATES. USUALLY THAT IS NOT LOVE ,ITS INFACTUATION. THEN YOU WAKE UP YEARS LATER AND REALIZE YOU DONT LIKE THAT PERSON. THE PROPER WAY IS TO SEEK GODS LOVE,THEN LET HIM GUIDE YOU TO A MATE.THE BOTH OF YOU DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO STAY IN ACCORD WITH HIS TEACHINGS...AND LOVE WILL GROW. THE MORE YOU BOTH LOVE THE CREATOR,THE MORE HE WILL LOVE YOU BOTH AND PLACE LOVE BETWEEN YOU. THIS WAY PETTY DIFFERENCES ARE OVERLOOKED AND THE LOVE OF GOD CONQUERS THE RELATIONSHIP...UNDERSTAND!"

.. i apologize for the caps but its not my post.. I do however like what he was saying very much.
I've been thinking a lot about it.
And trying to sort out my head on a relationship front and what I need/want.

I want someone whose faith means as much to them as it does me but who knows how to devote almost as much of themselves to me. So many just don't get that.

Even less get it when they realize that you are mildly disabled and mentally ill.
It leaves me feeling insecure at times, other times I feel firm in who I am.

..i am off to bed.. time to read another chapter for the book challenge and some more of the Quran before I go.