I am still alive.. lol

I've been terrible at updating lately there has just been so much to keep up with, in terms of life, and reading and trying to get some articles done for a position that i really really want.

Right now I am reading "Everything Everyone Should Know About The Qur'an" sort of a lighter reading because I have been feeling so frazzled.

Not to mention kinda blah because I am overly sick of being single. I had one prospect but I already know their are just things about the others life that will never click despite how well we may get along or despite what he thinks he feels for me.

Dating him would be like going back to highschool and that's just not where I am at this point in my life.

I am starting to think that the nice, Muslim man with a geeky side to him doesn't exist, leaving me to play the part of the crazy cat lady in the future lol.
I was looking at some online dating sites but they are just horrible, or there is next to no one local.

Where do people meet like mnded people cuz I seem to be drawing blanks lol.
Oh well..
If its meant to happen it will.
Until then I just focus on what I am doing and trying to find places for all the books i need to store lol.

Educational systems are failing.

What I have learned this week:

That my own country is guilty for not teaching history any better then the USA is by editing their text books to make themselves look like the hero in every chance they get.

I have been on this writing thing for awhile and its taking a lot more history background then i thought at first and it has caused me to realize that there is a lot that I just do not know.

It's making me angry, at our educational system. I feel like i was completely ripped off.
I took history every year, by choice because I loved it so much and here I am noticing that they only put in a very small fraction and by small i would say 1% of history was world history and i don't mean current.

Most of our history was Canadian, USA and Britain..which I get but there is so much more out there then just those three friggen countries.

Frustrating after having your eyes opened like that.

Struggle of faith

I'm struggling lately, it's with my faith but not directly. My belief hasn't waviered I still believe that the Quran is the book. It's just motivating myself to live the life I should be, I feel so bogged down and I shouldn't. My faith should make me feel stronger. At peace, shouldn't it?

I feel like I should be looking to the Quran for answers but don't know where to look.

Avatar

I loved this movie, it took all I had not to bawl at the end.
I found it hard to watch the parts of war with the soldiers and "the people" and forest.. was tough.. watching someone you find yourself growing fond of even tho you know nothing about them being treated so badly.

Reminded me a lot of racism and discrimination.. I was impressed the man character was disabled. I think that might have been a first.

I've found myself doing the post Avatar sigh.. everything just seems so flat and blah now.
thats one of those movies that you are just never going to be able to watch and appreciate in regular non IMAX 3D view.

It makes me sad just thinking about it.
Now I admit there were holes in the story but with a view like that, its easy not to care.
It was amazing.
4/5 easy.

Time flys.

I can not believe February is almost over. Where is the time going? i spent a good four hours in the car yesterday and let me tell you, I am not happy that I know I am going to have to do it again soon.

So, I started another one of the library books i took with me..
I have 6 of the 7 out for me.
Ive started all but one.. and I have finished one.

I'm half finished two. I am hoping to get closer to done one of those two.
I need an excuse to go back, because i want to check out their dvd section.

I was sitting in the drs office looking at old magazines and there was an old Town & Country magazine with pictures of Buckingham Palace garden pictures that I would kill to have but of course I can not find them anywhere.
One of them just screamed Pans Labyrinth at me.
Must have.
Its just finding it that's going to be tricky.

I've met someone recently, No idea where its going to go, if anywhere and i can not figure out how i feel about it.
He seems like a great guy, we communicate well.
So whats the problem right?

Other then he also deals with depression and any time i get involved with someone with depression its complicated because their moods trigger my bi polar and it all goes to hell.

Added to his blindness and my disability = not sure how that would fly at all.
And he still lives at home, he admits its not something he much likes either but idk ya know. Just used to being "unsupervised" and doing the whole staying at someones parents again just not sure if I could to be honest.
I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like i got transported back to pre grade ten when i was living on my own.

Someones been sending me a text a day -ish.. not sure who it is. if it be the crazy duo but I told him texting was disabled assuming he'd look up or walk in the next room and tell her.

I keep wondering if its the ex i can't get out of my head - but i can't figure out why he'd be texting me if he's still with the newer model.
I hate not knowing.

02/12/10

It's been an interesting week, and a bit to be honest I am glad things came out that did, and glad that people reacted the way they have.
It showed me some things and I mean lets be honest parts of it tickled me pink in a way i can not even begin to express.
Something someone near and dear said to me very recently sums up part of it...
"Cupcakes through your mail slot? Is that some Canadian metaphor I'm not familiar with or is he bat-shit crazy?"
Yup bat-shit crazy because the cup cake incident was literal. I shit you not.
But that's okay because that particular person is mad i didn't fall down to his feet thankful for the cupcake and is no longer speaking to me.
*does a little dance*

My list of friends has also gotten a little shorter for my own reasoning.. a remark was made that I can not even begin to wrap my head around why this person thought something like that would EVER be okay to say. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
Until finally I decided that there was nothing that could be said or done that would ever make me okay with it.

Honestly, its like not its the first thing to come out of the persons mouth and it likely would not have been the last, but i was getting more and more uncomfortable with it, so it had to be dealt with.

I dislike confrontation after I have been made to feel uncomfortable - it leaves me vulnerable and insecure. Once I have that with someone, then there's no going back. That's just how it is.
You've lost whatever bond may have been there.

I'm learning to be okay with that because I deserve to be respected and not have to deal with little suggestive comments and bullshit.
I deserve more then that just as I deserve more then someones misery.
If you are going to be in someones life and only give them your misery then what is the point?
I've also come to realize that someone I have known for a long time, and gone through a lot of shit with has been less then honest.

I guess i shouldn't be surprized but i will say this.
I won't be the one saving you from yourself next time.. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me..
I know better now.
I mean seriously if you are going to hide and lie about something at least learn to do it less obviously.
You bad mouth your ex but honestly you are no better then her in my books.

I've managed to screw up my morning meds the last two mornings - I've just been out of it.
My plan for the next couple of days while i wait for my Wednesday to come is to throw myself into books.
C'mon Wednesday!

changes are starting..

I am annoyed with people before the days started - not a good sign. I've also had about all I can take of two people who should be closest to me going by everything and honestly I find myself just not caring enough. So Its about time that, the charade ended for the last time. Then its going to be a very simple delete from address book and I should not get anything.

I already know that the guilt trips and wanting to talk it to death will happen cuz i have been through it. So I am going to nip it in the butt before it happens.
*edit*
I have nipped it. I've already created filters so it doesn't reach me and I don't get bulldozed again. There only now leaves two places where it must be dealt with both are pretty easy. Block is there for a reason.

Today i have a guinea pig cage to deal with
Some OJ to squeeze
and some reading to catch up on.